


Smile, Though Your Heart Is Aching

by yoursfemmely



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Almost Teen Rated but Like ONE Spicy Line, Canon Compliant, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Catra only talked about and not present, Deep Love and Support, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Finding Self Worth, Getting Support, Growing Through Discomfort, Growing Up, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Lots of dialogue, Past Catra/Scorpia (She-Ra), Past Relationship(s), Perfuma is Endlessly Supportive, Perfuma is a Great Partner, Pillow Talk, Post-Series, Processing, Sapphics, Scary Feelings, Scorfuma, Scorpia (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Scorpia (She-Ra) is a Good Friend, Trauma is Sneaky, feeling worthless, past trauma, post-sex, spoilers for series finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-19 01:54:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29618790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoursfemmely/pseuds/yoursfemmely
Summary: Reflecting after sex with Perfuma, Scorpia realizes she has some unresolved feelings around her past with Catra that she’s pushed down. Basically, she’s feeling safe enough in how vulnerable she’s let herself be, and trying to believe it's okay to talk about the past in order to move on. Per usual, Perfuma is enthusiastically supportive and helpful in just the way Scorpia needs.Or: Sapphics trauma processing as pillow talkThis is a companion piece toShowing Scorpia The Vineswhich is an explicit sex fic that is not at all necessary to read for this (but of course, please do if you like!)
Relationships: Perfuma & Scorpia (She-Ra), Perfuma/Scorpia (She-Ra)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	Smile, Though Your Heart Is Aching

**Author's Note:**

> This piece came about RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of writing the second chapter of Showing Scorpia The Vines (that chapter coming soon!). Basically, Scorpia started having a lot of feelings about her past and self-worth while I was writing and they took away from the scene, so they are flushed out here! 
> 
> I'm really proud of where Scorpia ended up in this. It kinda feels like a therapy session that I think she really needed. I hope you get something out of it! 
> 
> Ps. This is rated Mature as a "just in case" because of a couple of lines about the sex they were just having. It's really not that spicy tho, IMO.

Scorpia bathed in silence as she gazed up at the top of the Plumerian hut with Perfuma snuggled up at her side. She danced her eyes over the folds in the fabric, taking in their beauty. There was a humming and tingling in her body. Even areas that were sore buzzed with warm pleasure. The sex they’d had left her choked up and unable to articulate or even find the most basic of syllables. Even if she could, her throat was raw from every transformative wail and moan that had bellowed from inside her. _Has it been hours? Days?_ Time had become an illusion that left her belly aching for sustenance. The strawberries Perfuma had grown gracefully from the earth had offered some solace at the time, but soon she’d need more to satisfy her hunger than berries or the delicious taste from between the thighs of this delectable, downright godess. 

Ignoring that need for now, she let her form melt into the ground as she focused on Perfuma’s frame held tightly against her side. The warmth of her body was so soothing. Curiously, though, as Scorpia fell deeper and deeper into the warm elation of this moment, something dark and painful started to appear. It didn’t hurt at first. Her mind drifted to how she’d gotten here--how she’d ended up with her arms wrapped around this freckled, loving beauty. But then she’d felt an aching in her heart that mixed a melancholic pang into the moment. On one hand this was so pure, so received, so mutual. On the other, there was a strange, familiar feeling that ricocheted in the pit of her stomach--where all she could remember was desperation for approval. 

That feeling brewing deep inside flashed her mind to Catra. All she’d known in the past with her favorite feline was rejection. Being enamored with her Wildcat had always meant that any fulfilled desire was temporary. She’d end up filled with warmth and joy from any touch or more. It had sent electricity through her soul to only then--at a moment's notice--be torn away, leaving her defeated, and hollow. 

She slowed her breath as she tried to let go of the idea that submission meant imbalance and cowering--of just being glad to get scraps. That was what she had known, and secretly a part of her maybe even missed it. It was familiar. But it wasn’t what she had here. The submission she’d experienced here was something else. This submission meant feeling the energy of trust flow between her and her partner and knowing everything was actually hers to direct at a moment's notice. 

She wrapped her arms tighter around Perfuma, feeling waves of emotion at the overwhelmingly unfamiliar sensation of being squeezed right back. A smile warmed her face, as she inhaled gradually, slowing her racing heart. _This is connection. This is what it’s supposed to feel like. I can be safe and at peace here._ She tried to believe these words, repeating them softly in her mind and focusing on the soothing warmth of Perfuma’s skin pressed against hers. As she let the swishing of gentle wind outside fill her ears, a hint of moisture started to grace the corners of her eyes.

Perfuma stroked Scorpia’s smooth white hair softly, watching her with patient inquisitiveness. “Scorpia, is everything alright?” 

Scorpia let out a long sigh. “Yes... I mean, no... I mean, maybe?” She paused, waiting for some sort of reaction but Perfuma just pulled her closer and placed her hand lovingly on Scorpia’s cheek. 

Scorpia shot a glance at Perfuma and gulped. _Can I really take up space? I’m the protector, not the protected. Is this okay?_ She squeezed her eyes shut, praying that she would be alright, and after one more deep breath, she let the words speed out. “I don’t want this to be at all weird. What we just did was incredible. You are incredible.” She paused for a moment, pursing her lips, listening for any hint to stop. When met with nothing she continued even faster, refusing to look at Perfuma. “I’m thinking about Catra. Not at all because I still want to be with her or anything.” Scorpia whacked herself on the head. “Aw c’mon, Scorpia! Get it together! Perfuma, I definitely do NOT want to be with her!... I am not off to a very good start. I understand if this is too much for--” 

“Shh. Take a breath, Scorpia. You’re alright. I’m listening and I have no judgement,” Perfuma said in her characteristically soothing tone. She brought her hand to Scorpia’s chest, moving her fingertips in delicate circles and then pressed her palm firmly over her heart.

Scorpia nodded, trying to breathe in the soothing words and focused on the pressure of the hand against her. “What I’m trying to say is that I didn’t know this could be so good. So safe. And I’ve forgiven Catra...I mean LOOK at how she’d changed! It’s amazing! ...but maybe there’s something still there? Some pain...or something...It still hurts sometimes. You know? How she treated me…” Scorpia suddenly shook her head fast as if trying to shoo the thoughts away. “This is wrong! Everything is fine. Why focus on the past!? I should just let it go, right?” Her expression landed in a lopsided position. She tried so hard to force an enthusiastic smile but it was warped by an internal knowing.

Perfuma sat up quickly, looking Scorpia protectively in the eye and gripping her shoulders. Her face was almost frantic. “Scorpia, no. I don’t think you should. Holding our feelings in only suppresses them, which makes them come out somewhere later where they are less welcome. If we embrace what we’re feeling in the now, we become able to look right at those feelings and have a conversation with them instead of a reaction. I know you love Catra and you’ve seen she’s changed—it’s beautiful!— but that doesn’t mean past hurt is erased.”

Perfuma paused, cooling her impassioned tone. “What do you want to say to the part of you that was willing to accept less than what you were worth?” 

Scorpia took in a deep, shaken breath and exhaled forcefully, slowly sitting up and pulling her knees tightly to her chest. Her words came out quietly as she watched the ground, speaking almost as if no one were there at all. “I guess I was worth more. I offered endless love but I gave it to someone who couldn’t love me—well, at the time. I deserve to be nurtured by someone who loves me back. It doesn’t have to be a chase. The reward is having it. To be with someone in a way that’s pure.” Her eyes shot brightly to Perfuma. “To be with you!”

“Scorpia, I love you, but this isn’t about me right now,” Perfuma said firmly. “I am not your fix.” Scorpia’s cheeks reddened in embarrassment. Perfuma reached out to lightly caress her armored shoulder and filled her voice with soothing notes as she continued. “What I mean is, I am with you because we complement one another, not because we complete each other. We are both miraculous people who fill the world with light! You are so bright! But I am not a solution to your past. You are the only one who can address that.” Scorpia nodded and rested a pincered arm by her side where Perfuma gently slid her hand. 

“You are probably right.” She said softly. “I’m sorta proud of myself for when I told Catra she was a bad friend. It hurt a LOT to do it. And I know it hurt her. But she needed me to... I needed to. My being endlessly supportive and devoted was only hurting both of us. I kept trying to, _be positive--not give up_ , but that...did _not_ work.”

Scorpia continued, “I guess, maybe...sometimes growth is letting go? I was able to step away and in doing so, I found friendship. I found people who are loyal and loving. I found you! And eventually, even she found all of us. But all of that happened because I stopped trying to control everything and told her I was hurt. She didn’t deserve my love anymore back then. And she couldn’t love me back because she was obsessed with having lost Adora. She needed to deal with her own demons. I somehow thought I could do that for her, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t my job and I deserved better. Catra and I NOW—we’re great!. But...maybe...the past “us”...is...has... I dunno!”

Scorpia grabbed a pillow and clutched it to her chest, widening her eyes. “I don’t know if I should even be thinking about this. Catra and I are besties now!! I love our friendship! I am SO proud of her growth. I don’t want to dredge up old stuff. And I told her everything was fine. It is! It is? What is wrong with me!?” Scorpia groaned, gripping the pillow tighter and smothering her face into it.

“Scorpia, we just had a lot of powerful body releases, and sometimes that brings up things we don’t expect at all! It can spark things we’ve buried so deep in our bodies that we didn’t even know they were there! I think you’re doing a wonderful job, darling, and it sometimes takes looking back a bit to create forward momentum! There is nothing wrong with you! You hear me? You are wonderful! But show me a single person who has no trauma, especially everything we’ve been through!! And Scorpia, it is okay to change your mind or discover new feelings. And maybe you share them, or maybe they’re just yours. But if you ignore them, they won’t go away. They will just turn into something else.” 

“You’re probably right. You ARE. Of course. I...I... think I’m gonna try and talk to Catra. I’m gonna at least think about it.” Scorpia’s eyes welled up in tears and the corner of her lips curved upward. “You’re so wonderful for listening. Sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”

“Scorpia! You have nothing to apologize for! As I said, intimacy is a glorious, powerful thing. You having big, gorgeous emotions just shows that you’re feeling safe! And I’m so proud of you. It’s hard to be vulnerable, but it does not make you weak! You’re a warrior! I love you!”

“I love you, too. But oh wow. You’re sure it’s okay to talk about this??” Her eyes darted around until she took another of what felt like a million deep breaths she’d taken today. No matter what Perfuma said, she wasn’t sure she could believe her, but she was starting to consider it. “I may be starting to believe vulnerability is a good thing but this is a LOT! OH WOW... But thank you for helping me remember I’m enough.” Her voice became almost imperceptible. “There’s never really been anything that’s mine. I’ve only ever had things taken. Thank you for giving me something back.” She looked up, finally making intentional eye contact, eyes welled up to the brim.

Perfuma's heart swelled, and her eyes filled with devotion. She reached out and placed her hands on Scorpia’s knees. “You are worth so much more than you’ve been told. Just because no one has ever given you this doesn’t mean there was anything ever wrong with you. I may be the first, but don’t you ever let me be the last. Got it?”

Scorpia nodded as tears began rolling down the sides of her face. She pulled Perfuma in tightly and they kissed, lips deeply pressing into each other, feeling loving energy flow back and forth. Perfuma’s tears soon joined in and they pressed their foreheads together, letting warm droplets fall below.

As they began to wipe away their tears, Scorpia felt her stomach pang again. ”Umm. Perfuma. Are you--” Before she could finish, loud rumbles started chorusing back and forth from their bellies. They both erupted with laughter, falling into each other. 

“Yes!” They cried in unison and went off to find warm food to fill them up.

*~*~*

They arrived back at the hut when they’d finished and snuggled back up on the plush blanket. As they synced up their breaths, the moons set in the distance. Soon they were only illuminated by candlelight as they began to drift off to sleep. Tomorrow would be a new day, and while today had been intense, it had also been incredibly beautiful. As Scorpia settled her mind, she reflected on a newfound perspective.

_I am not disposable. I don’t have to be afraid of my feelings. I am worthy._

**Author's Note:**

> How you feeling? I hope you got as much out of this as I did writing it! Would love to hear any thoughts or reactions. Do you feel like this is true to their characters? What do you think is next for Scorpia? Any comments or kudos mean the world to me :) 
> 
> Also, again, if you'd like to read the companion piece, you can find it here: [Showing Scorpia The Vines](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29270766/chapters/71879481). Please note that it is very explicit. 
> 
> Thanks so much to Vivianne and [tshjortile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tshjortile/pseuds/tshjortile) for helping me refine and develop this!
> 
> Ps. The title is based on the classic song “Smile” that was written by the silent movie actor Charlie Chaplin. It is heartbreakingly beautiful and you should totally give it a listen.


End file.
